we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
