I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
