Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
