from now on my penis is your penis
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
