were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
