nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
