I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
