Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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