end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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