foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
