A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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