I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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