I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
