you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
