you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
