Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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