i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
