Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
