Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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