Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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