Little spoons don't ask big questions
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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