i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sober January is a disaster.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
