I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
