Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
