There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
