I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want to be your penis for a week.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
