I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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