If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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