Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
