You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
