I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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