Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
