dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
