Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
