I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
