Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
