I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
