You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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