Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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