I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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