i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
