I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
