I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
