so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
