so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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