just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
