wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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