Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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