dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
