I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
