is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
