Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Shame - the story of my life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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