What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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