If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
