I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
