he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is my gift to your gina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
