my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
