Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
