i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
