I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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