I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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