Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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