I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
