I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
that is very illegal...i love you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
