I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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