He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
