whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
