I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
