hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
