you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
