If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
