Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
