i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he shaved USA in his pubs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
