Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
