so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
