I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
