worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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